When there's something strange, in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?

Attack the Block

I had heard so much praise for this film that when the time came to finally watched it, I was very guarded. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high and at the same time I really wanted to like it. The plot is like what Warriors would be like if they were fighting a bunch of freaky looking monsters rather than each other. And kudos on the CG work on those alien monsters. Often times they either look silly and unfrightening, but the creatures in this film are legit. The British accent is pretty thick in some parts so I watched it with the subtitles on. Overall, a fun movie that I wouldn’t mind a sequel to.

Cinderella Man

Russell Crowe and Renee Zellwegger give strong performances in this Depression-era boxing flick. That’s what I would like to say, unfortunately, the movie just dragged along and bored me. Ejected after about thirty minutes.

Modern Family, Season 1

Normally I don’t include TV series in here, but I’ll make the exception for this excellent show. The first few episodes are a bit rough, but once the characters and the tone have been established, the rest of the episodes are a pure joy to watch. I normally don’t watch much American TV and if I do, it’ll be in straight shots through an entire season. Can’t wait for Season 2 to arrive.

Battery operated Jason Statham.

Crank 2: High Voltage

If you thought the plot line for the first Crank movie was ridiculous, you ain’t seen nothing yet. There comes a point in this movie where it seems like Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor just said, “to hell with it,” and just started filming a bunch of ideas concocted over massive amounts of booze. It’s best to not think about what you’re watching here, just let it glaze by.

Men in Kilts! Charge!!

Braveheart

Believe it or not, this is one of those “classics” that I hadn’t gotten around to seeing. There are a few others that are nestled in my ‘never seen” attic, but in due time… except Gone with the Wind. I will never watch that movie. Not because I hate it or anything, we all have that one movie that everybody has watched but have made an inner promise to never watch that film. For me, it’s Gone with the goddamn Wind.

Back on point though, Braveheart. Overall, I liked it. Reminded me of a time when I liked Mel Gibson. Also popped in a few of the Lethal Weapon movies (those films haven’t aged well) but stopped short of doing so. Epic story, grand battle sequences, I can see why this film did so well at the Oscars. After watching this film, I spent the next few hours talking in a Scottish accent. I have since recovered to my illiterate English.

One of the few times Rinako Hirasawa is wearing clothes in the film.

Sex Machine

Like America, Japan has this sub-genre of what are essentially soft core skin flicks. The Japanese refer to them in the more suggestive term of “pink films” and they often star some semi-popular AV idol. As with America, the genre exploded in the mid-’70s with titles like the Female Convict 701 series, the Terrifying Girls High School series, In the Realm of Senses (whose ending has scarred me from ever watching that movie again) and the Angel Guts series. The genre died down a bit in the ’80s and ’90s but with the explosion of Internet use, the genre is experiencing a bit of a Renaissance. Of what I’ve seen, Sora Aoi’s Man, Woman and a Wall is probably the most entertaining with bits of comedy, suspense and yes, naked Sora.

But getting back to Sex Machine. The description said this movie was filled with “wild, athletic sex and absurd slapstick,” so I was prepared for almost anything from the twisted minds of Japanese screenwriters. Honestly though, nothing athletic here. There are moments where the filmmakers try to make a serious movie. One sex scene extends over the duration of an earthquake which grows in intensity as the couple nears climax. There’s also a boring subplot about cricket sumo wrestling (not making that up), but thankfully the running time for this film is only an hour. The acting is terrible, the story is forgettable, and it looks like it was filmed in the 1980s. Oh, and there some really bad special effects. The river whirlpool scene is hilariously awful.

Follow along on Twitter @DerrickDeane.