Lists / Movies

What I Watched… (Vol. 4)

Well, here we go with another round of movies that I watched. I was delaying it a bit thinking I could sneak in Whip It featuring the foul-mouthed cutie Ellen Page, but that will have to wait til Volume 5. With that in mind, here’s this editions offerings:


Jackie Chan: Kung Fu Master – This movie turned out to be a tremendous disappointment. Usually, when a movie title says “So-and-so’s movie” either they star in it or they just produce it. Jackie is barely in this movie, kicking butt in the beginning and then dropping some righteous wisdom at the end. During the rest of the movie, we’re following this die hard Chan fan who’s life’s ambition is to meet Chan and become his disciple. It’s rather boring except for the parts where Chan comes in.

Losers – This movie had so much potential. It got wasted from predictable plot twists. Chris Evans is hilarious in this movie though. He’s probably the only bright spot in a movie that could have been so awesome. Plus, Jason Patric is also really annoying.

“Mamma didn’t raise no foo’… Pow! Boom! Thank you.”

Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief – Wow, this movie was all over the place! Not sure if it wants to be a Harry Potter or a Clash of the Titans rip-off, the story jumps all over the place. Plus Pierce Brosnan looks really awkward as a Centaur. In fact, the CGI wasn’t all that spectacular, which, if you’re going to try to capture the affection of the HP crowd, needs to be top-notch. Rosario Dawson is somewhat worth the wait at the end, but still, the top ten things wrong with this movie listed in the comment section might have a something to do with why this movie didn’t take off.

Ten Things Wrong With this Movie Are…

Bitch Slap – With a title like this, I’m not expecting much. This movie makes no apologizes, it’s trying to emulate the 60s and 70s exploitation movies filled featuring a trio of scantily clad women, over-the-top incessant cursing and cartoon-ish violence. It all gets kind of boring after a while, even the part where the trio are splashing themselves with buckets of water. The acting is terrible and campy as is the CGI, plus Kevin Sorbo and Lucy Lawless cameos. Gag.

“What up b*tches?!”

Naruto Shippuden: The Movie – A very clunky movie. Naruto movies, at least in my opinion, don’t work as well story-wise. The ending is really awkward although we’re treated with DJ Ozma’s “Lie Lie Lie” during the credits. There’s really nothing much to write about this movie. It’s the usual crew of Naruto and Sakura. Neji is added in place of Kakashi and Rock Lee in place of Sasuke. Which is cool, but I love Kakashi, so not having him in this movie was a miss. Ok, I’m done being an anime otaku.

Ugh, I can’t STAND English-dubbed soundtracks. >_<

Edge of Darkness – Wow what a BORING movie!! Seriously! This was the perfect opportunity for Mel Gibson to harness his inner darkness/craziness and kick some butt. Instead, we get this really dark and slowly-paced exercise in tedium. The ending does have a nice/brutal kill shot though, so I will give it points on that. Most people/critics liked this movie, so maybe I’m just the oddball who didn’t dig it.

“You bettah decide if you’re hangin’ on da cross, or bangin’ on da nails.”

From Paris With Love – I count John Travolta killing 39 guys in this movie. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m certainly not going to go back and count again. One time is good enough for this over-the-top action-er. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers has zero chemistry with Travolta and I didn’t buy him in this movie for even a second. Terrible casting. Travolta is a bit annoying in the beginning as well. It’s like he just took the same character from Pelham and carried into this movie.

“Come on baby. One shot.”

2 thoughts on “What I Watched… (Vol. 4)

    • Absolutely. As far as references, just mention my name (Derrick Deane) and the name of the blog (Cinemania). And send me a link for your site. I’d love to check it out.

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